"One Grain More" - Brilliant Les Mis Parody About Food Allergies

We don't know anyone who doesn't have a relative or friend whose diet is restricted by real or imagined food allergies or strong dislikes. 

We're not talking about kosher here, but rather about disinclinations to eat anything containing meat, wheat, milk, eggs, soy, peanut, cheese, coffee, lettuce, tomato, rye, cantaloupe, sesame, mackerel, rhubarb, pepper, strawberries, garlic, mushrooms, coconut, eggplant, peas, barley, basil, chocolate, celery, or tuna.

What better way than parody to express the frustrations of having to deal with these food avoidance requirements. And when we came across a brilliantly conceived and executed takeoff on the song "One Day More" from the musical Les Miserables, we just had to share it with you.

The parody, "One Grain More" is the work of Michael Bihovsky, an actor, musician, composer, lyricist, and director of musicals off-Broadway and on screen. Before graduating from NYU and studying at the Julliard School, he graduated from Philadelphia's Akiba Hebrew Academy.

So find that relative or friend who has been driving you crazy with special food requests and laugh as you watch this video together.  Enjoy!

(If you didn't catch all of the words, the complete lyrics appear after the video.)

(A SPECIAL NOTE FOR NEW EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS:  THE VIDEO MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE DIRECTLY FROM THE EMAIL THAT YOU GET EACH DAY ON SOME COMPUTERS AND TABLETS.  YOU MUST CLICK ON THE TITLE AT THE TOP OF THE EMAIL TO REACH THE JEWISH HUMOR CENTRAL WEBSITE, FROM WHICH YOU CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON IN THE VIDEO IMAGE TO START THE VIDEO.)

 

(A tip of the kippah to Dan Mosenkis for bringing this video to our attention.) 

 VALJEAN
One grain more
A dash of millet flour might be the key
This never-ending road to gluten free
This horrifying food I eat
Will never taste the same as wheat
One grain more...

COSETTE
A quarter cup of cornflake crumbs
To meet my carbohydrate quota

VALJEAN
One grain more

MARIUS & COSETTE
A teaspoon of some xanthan gum
And still it tastes like...baking soda

EPIPEN
One more dairy substitute

MARIUS & COSETTE
Will I ever eat again?

EPIPEN
Drinking oat milk from a carton

MARIUS & COSETTE
What I'd give for pizza pie

EPIPEN
Now I spend my days confused

MARIUS & COSETTE
Or a slice of beef on rye...

EPIPEN
Wond'ring how you milk an oat

VALJEAN
It's so good to see you, Quinoa!
You're the protein source I chose
Still, you look as if I've seen ya
Coming out of someone's nose

MARIUS & COSETTE
Flax instead of eggs
Try to make it whip
Now what do we use
Instead of chocolate chips?
Carob doesn't work
Carob is a trap
Anyone who's had it
Knows it tastes like crap!

VALJEAN & EPIPEN
When the hell is this stuff dated?

MARIUS & COSETTE
Burned and bloated day and night

VALJEAN & EPIPEN
Why's it smell like something died?

COSETTE
What on earth is "lecithin"?

MARIUS
Love, I fin'ly defecated!

EPIPEN
This does not feel like a bun...

ALL
Do you hear the people sneeze
And cough and wheeze
From allergies?

VALJEAN
One grain more!

MARIUS
(simul)
So I added wheat -- I'm sorry
We still had some left in stock
Nothing says "it's time to party"
Like anaphylactic shock
So I guess this must be Quinoi
It's not so gross, I suppose
Still it looks as if I've seen ya...

COSETTE
(simul)
Will I ever eat again?
What if there's a trace of tree nuts?
Someone get my Epi-pen
I'm not supposed to breathe in peanuts!

EPIPEN
(simul)
Have you ever milked an oat?
Guess it's better than a goat
Try a little nog
Smoother than a silk
Even though it's made
Of neither eggs nor milk!
Have another roll
Harder than a rock
Better hold your breath,
Because it tastes like-

VALJEAN & MARIUS
Tomorrow we will bitch and moan
Tomorrow we'll need cortisone

ALL
Tomorrow we'll discover foods
That even vegans have forsworn!
Wish me luck
Mother(BLEEEEEEEEEP)
One grain more..