People Trying Jewish Food for the First Time - Hilarious!

Gefilte Fish. Kugel. Matzah Ball Soup. Chopped Liver. Rugelach. Manischewitz Concord Grape Wine.

Odds are that you ate some or all these foods last week at a Rosh Hashanah or Shabbat meal, and probably didn't think twice about it.

But what would happen if you put these heimishe traditional Jewish foods in front of non-Jews who never heard of them and never tasted them? 

Just a few days ago, BuzzFeed Yellow, the website that posts all sorts of funny videos, posted this one and it already has more than a million page views. So it's likely that you've already seen it, but we couldn't resist posting it on Jewish Humor Central because it's such a perfect fit for our site. It even inspired us to create an hour-long comedy program called Jewish Food Follies to add to the roster of programs and lectures that we're doing around the USA and in Israel.

How did the non-Jewish tasters react when they sampled our delicious dishes? You have to see the video, but here are a few examples:

GEFILTE FISH: "It's like if tuna got pushed into a ball and got compressed for hundreds of years."
KUGEL: "It's like it wants to be macaroni and cheese and also wants to be a cake but doesn't know which one it is yet."
MATZAH BALL SOUP: "I would eat this all day. I would have sex with this."
CHOPPED LIVER: "This is poop. It seriously looks like diarrhea. The consistency is exactly like Fancy Feast."
RUGELACH: "It's real packed in. It has the same consistency as gefilte fish."
MANISCHEWITZ WINE: "I could get wasted off this at a nice Passover or Bar Mitzvah."

Enjoy!

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(A tip of the kippah to Jack Kustanowitz for first bringing this video to our attention.)

A Joke to Start the Week - "Monday, Wednesday, Friday"

It's been a long holiday weekend, with two days of Rosh Hashanah followed by Shabbat, and now it's another Monday. Time to get back to work, but not before checking out the Joke to Start the Week.

Today we're bringing you another joke by Max Rosenthal from Old Jews Telling Jokes. Max is probably the most popular joke teller on that very funny website and generates more page views on Jewish Humor Central than any other jokester.

Only four weeks ago we shared another of Max's jokes that he delivered with the skill of the actor that he is. The September 1 joke had to do with Mr. and Mrs. Shapiro visiting their doctor, and today's joke is about Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg visiting their doctor about a related matter.

Here's the setup for the joke by 88-year-old Max, veteran of a childrenswear business and character actor:

Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg go to the doctor for their annual checkup and afterwards the doctor calls in Mr. Goldberg. He says: "Mr. Goldberg, your wife is a little edgy, she's nervous..." And then...

Enjoy!

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Former Israeli President Shimon Peres Goes Job Hunting

After 66 years in Israeli public life and seven years as the country's president, Shimon Peres found himself jobless when he retired this year at the age of 91.

So, unwilling to stop campaigning for peace and offering pearls of wisdom to anyone who will listen, Peres agreed to participate in a light-hearted funny video produced by his granddaughter, screenwriter Mika Almog.

In the five-minute video, Peres visits the employment office where he recounts his many previous jobs, only to be told that they have no relevance in today's world. So the placement advisor says "Let's try and hope for the best." 

Peres gets placed as a gas station attendant, security guard, supermarket checkout clerk, pizza deliveryman, standup comic, and skydiving coach. In each situation he manages to offer a sage bit of advice.

Enjoy!

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Wishing All of Our Readers a Shanah Tovah - Happy New Year 5775

Thanks to our thousands of loyal subscribers and casual readers worldwide who have joined us during the year.  We started this blog on October 5, 2009 and it's been going strong with more than 1500 blog entries over the last four  years.  We appreciate your loyalty and we hope to keep bringing you a daily mix of Jewish humor in all of its forms -- traditional, eclectic, unbelievable but true, and just funny, tempered with touches of nostalgia and Yiddishe nachas.
 
5774 has been an amazing year for us -- a year in which our fifth grandchild was born, a year of wonderful friendship, a year in which our nine books on Jewish humor have been selling on Amazon.com, and in which we performed comedy shows and lectures in New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Florida, and Israel.
 
We'll be attending Rosh Hashanah and Shabbat services for the next three days, and we'll be back posting again on Sunday.  Here's wishing a happy, healthy, joyous, prosperous and funny New Year from our family to yours! 
 

The Kustanowitz Kronikle is our Rosh Hashanah Greeting Card. 

Click on the page below for a printable PDF version. 

 

Strange New Fruits Appear in Markets for Rosh Hashanah

Dragon Fruit

It's customary to have a new fruit on the table when we make the Shehecheyanu blessing on the second night of Rosh Hashanah. We remember when that meant figs or dates that we hadn't eaten since the previous year. But times are changing, and it seems that each New Year brings strange new fruits to our supermarkets.

Horned Melon

Today we visited a supermarket in Monsey, New York and found a vast display of fruits that are not seen all year, such as dragon fruit, cherimoya, horned melon, pepino melon, guanabana, star fruit, and rambutan. They command high prices and we suspect that they are grown just to be conversation pieces as families sit down for a Rosh Hashanah meal.

Rambutan

The Yavneh Hebrew Academy of Los Angeles sent student reporter Gabi Wachtel to the local market to size up the displays of new fruit for the New Year. He checked out the individual fruits and tasted them with the help of a local expert. Then it was time to check out all the varieties of apples and honey. What new fruit will you be eating Wednesday evening?

Enjoy!

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A Joke to Start the Week - "Someone Stole My Bicycle"

This is Monday of a very special week, the week that includes Rosh Hashanah. So we searched for a joke to start the week that has special significance as we think about repentance.

The theme of today's joke focuses on the Ten Commandments, and how reciting them can sometimes lead to unexpected results.

Today's joke teller is Marvin Rachelefsky, a 65-year-old neurologist. Here's the setup for the joke:

In the South, where towns often coudn't support more than one congregation or one church, so the rabbi got together with the priest, and then...

Enjoy!

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"Green Eggs, No Ham" -- an Animated Dr. Seuss Parody for Rosh Hashanah

What happens when Allison Josephs, creator of Jew in the City (JITC) finds herself in a Dr. Seuss-like world with "Survivor" winner Ethan Zohn? "An animated story that uses the imamgery of the Seuss classic Green Eggs and Ham. This one, however, is called Green Eggs, No Ham!

Unlike the original, where the main character is nudged to try the combination of Green Eggs and Ham, a combination that he resists through many attempts to get him to try it, in this parody Torah study is the object that he is asked in many ways to try.

After many entreaties and rejections, the character finally agrees to give Torah study a try. The animated drawings and text have a Seussian look and feel although the video is a parody and is not made or authorized by Dr. Seuss.

Josephs started the Jew in the City website to counter negative impressions of Orthodox Judaism, to break down stereotypes about religious Jews and offer a humorous, meaningful outlook into Orthodox Judaism.

Jew in the City is reshaping the way society views Orthodox Jews and Judaism through social media, corporate cultural diversity training seminars, lectures, and consulting services. The JITC team publicizes the message that Orthodox Jews can be funny, approachable, educated, pro-women and open-minded—and that Orthodox Judaism links the Jewish people to a deep and beautiful heritage that is just as relevant today as it ever was.

Enjoy!

 

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Rosh Hashanah Greetings and Answers From Cute Kids in Delaware JCC

We're being indundated with new Internet videos relating to Rosh Hashanah, which arrives next Wednesday evening. They come in many forms -- original music videos, parodies of pop songs, and calls for reflection and self-improvement by rabbis and other serious Jews.

We've shared a few that we think are the most entertaining and still have a few more to go. But today we're sharing a video from another source that should be heard from -- preschool children. There's nothing like the answers these kids give to the basic questions you'd ask about the holiday. 

Here are the questions posed to the kids of the Early Childhood Center of the Delaware JCC and their cute and funny answers:

What is Rosh Hashanah?
What do you like to eat on Rosh Hashanah?
Why do we eat apples and honey?
What do you do on Rosh Hashanah?
Where is Israel?
What do you want to wish Israel for Rosh Hashanah?
What are your wishes for the New Year?
Can you sing us a song for Rosh Hashanah?

Enjoy!

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Stand-up Comic Modi Gives a Hilarious Performance

Modi Rosenfeld, the stand-up Jewish comedian known simply as Modi, has been one of our favorites ever since we started Jewish Humor Central. 

A few months ago, he appeared at a Chabad event and left the audience laughing out loud at his description of airport security personnel reacting to him carrying a five-foot shofar through the airport. In the six minute video he also cites hilarious differences between Ashkenazim and Sefardim in synagogues and in social situations. 

We think it's a great way to approach the High Holiday season with a touch of humor, as Modi clearly points out to his audience. We only wish that the video were larger and clearer, but it was taken with a cell phone so we have to settle for a smaller picture. But the sound is good enough to give us a few laughs.

Enjoy!

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How Not to Get Stuck in "Rush" Hashanah Traffic - A Chabad Humor Video

What would you do if you were heading home on erev Rosh Hashana and got stuck in traffic behind a driver who actually fell asleep at the wheel at 19 minutes before sunset?

Chabad has produced a funny short video about just such a situation. In this video clip, the exasperated Hasidic driver honks his horn, yells out the window, tries to push the car out of the way, uses a microphone, a cymbal, and a guitar to rouse the sleeping driver. When none of these are successful, he reaches into his waistband and comes up with a solution (and a message) that's perfect for Rosh Hashanah.

The video was created by Jewish Educational Trade School (JETS), based in Granada Hills, California. The New Creative Arts Wing aims to teach Cinematography, Photography, Music, Theater, Dance and Art to the Jewish youth who attend the school.

Enjoy!

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Where Will You Eat Your Apples and Honey This Rosh Hashanah? - A Holiday Music Video From Israel21c

Apples and honey are likely to be seen at every dinner table next Wednesday night as Jews all over the world welcome the New Year 5775. But why should eating this delectable and symbolic dish be limited to dinner tables?

The folks at Israel21c, the online news magazine offering diverse and reliable information about 21st century Israel, have produced a video showing Israelis eating apples and honey in some of the most unlikely places.

The video takes us on a sweeping tour of Israel's beaches, streams, skies, markets, parks, playgrounds, climbing wall and Western Wall, where people are all partaking of the Rosh Hashanah custom.

Enjoy!

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A Joke to Start the Week - "Speeding Ticket"

It's another Monday and time for another joke to start the week. It never fails. Every Monday we get more page views than any other day of the week. OK, we get the message. You want more jokes, and we'll try to comply. Watch this space.

Today's joke teller is John Liebman, a 79-year-old lawyer who once chaired of the Presidents Export Council Subcommittee on Encryption and Export Administration. It's another joke from the files of Old Jews Telling Jokes.

Here's the setup: This gentleman is on his way to work very early, and he's on the interstate. Suddenly he looks in his rear view mirror and there's the red light telling him to pull over. And then...

Enjoy!

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Canadian Students Struggle to Recognize Hebrew Language, But Finally Send Rosh Hashanah Greetings

Heritage Inmoshun, a YouTube poster who is experimenting with student recognition of foreign languages, approached some Canadian students and asked them if they could recognize the language spoken in an audio clip.

The language was Hebrew. Did the students recognize it? They finally did, but only after guessing almost every other language. Only after being shown the written words did they finally guess that it was Hebrew, and the video ends with all of them saying Shana Tovah.

This is one in a series of similar interviews of students being exposed to unfamiliar languages. There are other videos of encounters with Dutch, German, and Biblical and Modern Hebrew. But we thought with ten days until Rosh Hashanah, you'd want to see this one.

Enjoy!

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Residents of Los Angeles Jewish Home Demystify the Yiddish Language

The Los Angeles Jewish Home has been a great source for Jewish Humor Central over the last few years. We've shared a couple of their love stories on Valentines Days, advice from Yiddishe mamas on Mother's Day, and a series of jokes at other times.

Yesterday the Jewish Home released a new video called Yiddish - Part One (the second part will be released later this month) in which some of the residents laugh as they discuss the meanings of popular Yiddish words and expressions. They include mensch, zaftig, schmuck, plotz, schvitz, tuchus, and geshmak.

Enjoy, and Shabbat shalom!

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Elon Gold Goes Beyond Funny Accents to Take on Languages

Last week we posted Elon Gold's stand-up routine on funny accents from his new album, Chosen and Taken. We've since viewed the entire one hour show on Netflix and laughed out loud at his hilarious observations on accents, languages, ethnicity, and a wide range of topics.

We would like to share some more excerpts from the show, but we could only find one that uses words compatible with our family-friendly posting policy. So click on the video below to see Elon's take on Russian, Japanese and French.

Enjoy!

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Gwyneth Paltrow Finds Another Rabbi in Her Lineage and Plans a Conversion to Judaism

Actress Gwyneth Paltrow, after joining the ranks of Hollywood stars who have become entranced by the mystical esoteric teachings of Kabbalah, has decided to convert to Judaism. And all this time we thought she was already Jewish and descended from rabbis. 

As Emily Smith wrote in the Page Six column of the New York Post,

The actress is quietly converting after years of following Kabbalah, which originated in Judaism, and being friends with Michael Berg, co-director of the Kabbalah Centre.

While Paltrow’s rep didn’t respond to numerous requests for comment, her late father was film producer Bruce Paltrow, a Jew, while her mother, Blythe Danner, is a Christian. The “Iron Man” star has previously revealed that she was raised both Jewish and Christian, which “was such a nice way to grow up.”

Ordinarily we wouldn't reprint this Hollywood gossip, but we thought that the accompanying video clip of Paltrow's exploration of genealogy and discovery of her roots would be of interest to our readers.

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Here Come the Rosh Hashanah Music Videos: IKAR Congregation in L.A. Gets Off to an Early Start with "Hallelujah"

IKAR, an innovative progressive spiritual community in LA, commissioned a joyous and inspiring music video, Hallelujah, to help celebrate their 10th birthday and the arrival of the High Holidays. It's the first of a series of special videos that we'll be running as we count down to Rosh Hashanah.

Over 100 people are featured in the vibrant video, including IKAR members and friends, spanning the age spectrum and reflecting the diversity of the IKAR community.
 

The video was conceptualized and directed by Salvador Litvak, co-founder of Pictures From the Fringe, a small L.A. based production company. Litvak is also known as The Accidental Talmudist and writer/director of "When Do We Eat?" and "Saving Lincoln". It was filmed in a section of  colorful downtown LA, for an urban desert feel.
 

The music is  by Judeo, a music project fronted and crafted by "rock cantor" Hillel Tigay. Tigay created mesmerizing tunes that IKAR uses for the High Holidays and year-round; the Judeo sound is an eclectic blend of Tigay’s past influences –- the seven years of music he has been making for IKAR and his past as a pop musician.

We should note that Esther Kustanowitz, daughter of Jewish Humor Central founder Al Kustanowitz, works part-time at Pictures From the Fringe and can be seen for a fleeting moment at precisely 3:33 of the video.

Enjoy!

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A Joke to Start the Week - "Diesel Fitter"

It's another Monday and time for another Joke to Start the Week. And once again we dip into the bottomless treasure chest of Old Jews Telling Jokes.

Today's jokester is 73-year-old Judi Foster, a retired teacher. 

Here's the setup: There are two mildly retarded brothers and they work in a sheltered workshop. So one day when they come home one brother says to the other: "You know, I'm tired of working for five dollars an hour. I'm going to go out and get a job for twenty dollars an hour." And then...

Enjoy!

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Jewish Traces in Unexpected Places: Japanese Ukuleles Play Hava Nagila in Tokyo Shrine

How likely is it to see and hear a group of Japanese ukulele players perform Hava Nagila on stage at a Shinto shrine on a mountaintop in Tokyo? Not very likely, but we found a video of just such a happening.

The players are a group called Ukulele Afternoon. They have been performing ukulele concerts in Japan for more than 20 years.

Ukulele Afternoon embodies everything about Japanese culture - they embrace traditional and modern approaches to music and art.
Their music has all the excitement of a punk rock band combined with the sensitivity of a chamber orchestra.

The first three minutes of the video shows the ensemble playing Hava Nagila, and then they play other songs.

Enjoy!

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Remembering the Two Sides of Joan Rivers - Hilarious Comedian and Passionate Defender of Israel

We were saddened yesterday to learn of the death of comedian Joan Rivers following serious complications during a procedure on her vocal cords in Manhattan. 

Rivers was born Joan Alexandra Molinsky in Brooklyn, New York in 1933, the younger daughter of Russian Jewish immigrants. Her career in comedy lasted more than 50 years. Her range of humor was so great that it's hard to categorize it. 

Starting with stand-up comedy, she also was a writer for Candid Camera and acted as the bait to lure unsuspecting people into ridiculous situations. She wrote funny sketches for Topo Gigio, the Italian mouse puppet on the Ed Sullivan Show. And then there was her long professional relationship with Johnny Carson, which came to a sudden end when after her contract ended, she started her own competing late night show.

Many media outlets have aired tributes to Rivers, including the one from CNN below, but we haven't seen them show one of her last ad-hoc interviews at the Los Angeles airport in July, when she passionately defended Israel's response to Hamas attacks.

As a tribute and remembrance, we're sharing three videos below. The first is CNN's review of her career, the second is a hilarious routine from The Joan Rivers show, and the last is her emotional response to reporters challenging her staunch support of Israel.

We'll miss you, Joan.

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Standup Comedy From the UK: Alex Edelman Performs at the Edinburgh Fringe

This year Jewish Humor Central will be expanding the geographic scope of Jewish humor that we cover and discover. So look for some routines of Jewish stand-up comics outside of the USA.

The Edinburgh Festival Fringe is the largest arts show in the world. It takes place for three weeks every August in Scotland's capital city. The Fringe offers performances in all the arts, including theatre, dance, cabaret, and comedy.

One of the comedy performers in this year's Fringe was Alex Edelman. Here is an excerpt from Alex Edelman's stand-up show Millennial, which the comedian performed at the Edinburgh Fringe 2014. Part of his routine is a description of how, as a 16-year-old Orthodox Jew, he worked for three months at a non-kosher restaurant (KFC - Kentucky Fried Chicken).

Enjoy!

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