Oscars, Shmoscars! Here Are Our Purim Picks Of The Best Movies Of 2014

Happy Purim to all of our Jewish Humor Central readers.  We hope you enjoy this special Purim spoof from the Purim 2015 issue of The Kustanowitz Kronikle.  You can download the PDF by clicking HERE.  Print it and share it at your Purim Seudah.

 

There are the Golden Globes and the Academy Awards (Oscars).  But who needs them when the best awards of all are the Silver Graggers.  Jewish Humor Central is proud to present the movie awards from our sister publication, The Kustanowitz Kronikle.

The Silver Graggers are different from the Golden Globes and the Oscars in that there are multiple winners for Best Picture, the only award we give.

 

This year the Kustanowitz kids have been hard at work, deliberating which films released in 2014 merited consideration for this prestigious award.  Today we are announcing the winners of the annual competition.  Here are the best films of 2014, with a brief description of each one.

 

AMERICAN SNIPPER:  The controversial, harrowing, and heroic story of the most successful mohel in U. S. History.

GONE GIRL: A Conservative family reacts in horror when their daughter returns from a year in Yeshiva insisting on being called by her Hebrew name.

50 SHADES OF BLACK: A Chasidic fashion designer discovers a secret desire to explore the gradations of his community’s chosen color.

UNBROKEN: Following Neilah, an overconfident faster transitions right back into Kol Nidre to go for it all  over again.

BIG EYES:   At his son’s wedding, a man is crushed under the piled-high plate of smorgasbord food as he tries to carry it back to his table.

QUEENSMAN: Mordechai’s Secret Service: After the Purim story ends, Mordechai becomes a secret service recruiter, traveling the 127 provinces in search of an elite fighting squad. 

THE IMITATION GAME: A vegetarian/kosher restaurant creates community-wide panic when it starts serving fake shrimp, pork, and bacon that tastes too good to be true.

THE FAULT IN OUR STARS: A scheming teenager convinces his parents that he sees three stars in the sky at noon, thus ending Shabbat early and allowing him to start using his iPhone.

BIG HERO 6: A daring American rabbi decrees that the seventh day of Passover is unnecessary, and his community rejoices.

BIRDMAN: A  Kapparot expert takes the ceremony too far when he tries swinging six chickens over his head at the same time.

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY: At a wedding, the bride’s mother fights with two young friends assigned to guard the Yichud room.

EDGE OF TOMORROW: A new convert struggles to understand how days in the Hebrew calendar could possibly begin the night before. 

THIS IS WHERE I LEAVE YOU: At the end of Visiting Day at summer camp, a frustrated mother does everything in her power to separate from her homesick daughter.

A MOST VIOLENT YEAR: A Mafia hitman struggles to cram in all his atoning on Yom Kippur.

WILD: A Chabad rebbetzin and mother of eight young boys struggles to keep her home in order on a snow day.

TAKEN 3:  After one congregant takes two more Mishloach Manot packages than he should have, the rabbi swears to track him down and extract revenge.