Rabbis Establish New Blessings
for Today’s Secular Encounters
FAIR LAWN, March 21 —Rabbis of all denominations worldwide have come together to propose an update to their traditional siddurim (prayer books) in the category of Birkat Hanehenin (prayers for various occasions.)
Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform prayer books already have special prayers for such occasions as hearing good news, recovering from a serious illness, or escaping from danger. But until today there have been no special prayers for coping to mark modern situations.
The proposed new prayers ask for God’s guidance in undertaking new ventures such as going on a JDate or entering a voting booth, and expressing gratitude to God for ending a government shutdown.
The rabbis also voted to include a new series of Al Chet confessions in the traditional Yom Kippur liturgy, focusing on misdeeds that may emerge from secular world encounters like those covered by these new prayers.
ON GOING ON A FIRST JDATE
Blessed art thou....who creates diverse species.
ON ENTERING A VOTING BOOTH
May it be thy will that we make wise choices.
ON SURFING THE INTERNET
Tefilat Haderech (Prayer for starting a perilous journey)
ON STARTING TO STREAM A NEW TV SERIES
May it be thy will that every episode be worth our time watching it.
ON COMPLETING A TV SERIES:
Hadran alach (insert name of TV series) v’hadran alan
(same prayer as said upon completion of a volume of Talmud.)
ON SENDING AN E-MAIL MESSAGE:
May it be thy will that this message not be hacked and not find its way to Wikileaks.
ON OPENING A WEB LINK IN AN E-MAIL MESSAGE:
May it be thy will that this link will lead us only to Torah, chuppah, and doesn’t install a virus and cause my computer to crash.
ON SUBSCRIBING TO FACEBOOK:
May we be protected from sending and receiving lashon hara.
ON BOARDING A FLIGHT TO LAS VEGAS
May it be thy will that we hit the jackpot this time.
ON THE END OF A GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN:
Blessed art thou.....for restoring sanity to elected officials.
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