Jewish Humor Central is a daily publication to start your day with news of the Jewish world that's likely to produce a knowing smile and some Yiddishe nachas. It's also a collection of sources of Jewish humor--anything that brings a grin, chuckle, laugh, guffaw, or just a warm feeling to readers.
Our posts include jokes, satire, books, music, films, videos, food, Unbelievable But True, and In the News. Some are new, and some are classics. We post every morning, Sunday through Friday. Enjoy!
We've been posting versions of Hebrew liturgical and popular songs by Yonina (Yoni and Nina Tokayer, a married musical duo who live in the small town of Pardes Chana, Israel.)
They have been uploading home videos to Facebook and YouTube and reaching millions.
Melaketet Kochavim (Gathering Stars) is a new original song, telling their story, from the morning of October 7th when everything changed, through the past months, with Yoni away in the reserves and Nina at home, the distance and challenges and the hope for better days. The Hebrew lyrics and English translation appear below the video.
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הייתי בדרך לבית כנסת כשעלית על מדים
ובפינת הרחוב נפרדת ממני ומהילדים
הסברתי שאבא עכשיו צריך לשמור,
ולא רציתי שידעו ממה
ובדרך אנשים שאלו מה אתם עושים בחוץ, פרצה מלחמה
ועכשיו- אני אוספת את כל הכוחות
של חסד ושל אמונה
שעוד יבואו ימים של טוב
שעוד תשוב אלינו הרינה
ומחבקת חזק ת׳ילדים
רק להגן מהסופות שבחוץ
ובתוך הטירוף
מול שמיים שחורים
מלקטת כוכבים
בלילות הראשונים לא ישנתי,
דרוך על המשמר
חתמתי על ציוד בעולם מקביל,
נפרדתי מכל מה שמוכר
יש כאן אחוות לוחמים וימים מתישים מבלי לדעת מה יהיה מחר
שבועות כבר הפכו חודשים,
ובכל זאת נשארים עד שהאופק יואר
ועכשיו אני שולח לך ים של כוחות
של חסד ושל אמונה
שעוד יבואו ימים של טוב,
שעוד תשוב אלינו הרינה
אז תחבקי חזק ת׳ילדים
רק להגן מהסופות שבחוץ
ובתוך הטירוף מול שמיים שחורים
מלקט לך כוכבים
ולמרות הגעגוע אלייך
ולמרות שקשה כאן לבד
לפעמים כדי לנצח ביחד
צריך לעמוד בנפרד
כל אחד בחזית שלו
עד הניצחון
אז לעכשיו, אני אוספת את כל הכוחות…
I was on my way to synagogue (Shul)
when you put on your uniform
and at the corner of the street
you said goodbye to me and to the children
I explained that daddy now needs to go protect
and I didn’t want them to know from what
and on the way, people asked us
what are you doing outside
a war has broken out
So now I am gathering all of my strength
of kindness, and of faith
that good days are yet to come
that the songs of joy will return to us
and I hug the children tightly
to protect from the storms outside
and in all the craziness under black skies
I gather stars
The first few nights I didn’t sleep
Cautious, on the guard
I signed on to equipment in a parallel world
I left everything that was familiar
Here the is brotherhood of warriors
and exhausting days
without knowing what tomorrow will bring
Weeks have turned to months
And yet we still stay
Until the horizon is lit up
And although I miss you
And although it’s hard here alone
Sometimes in order to prevail together
It’s necessary to stand separately
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Just Published: The Kustanowitz Kronikle - 35 Years of Purim Parody
Every Purim for the past 35 years we have published a Purim parody edition of The Kustanowitz Kronikle, covering virtually every aspect of Jewish life, and including parodies of hundreds of popular movies. This year we decided to retire the series and capture all the fun in a book that's just been published and is available at Amazon.com. It has every Purim issue of The Kustanowitz Kronikle from 1988 through 2022 in a full-color, full-size paperback book with hilarious headline stories and parody movie picks. Here are a few examples: TRUMP, NETANYAHU SWAP ROLES, COUNTRIES; NEW TALMUD VOLUME "VOTIN" FOUND IN IRAQ; JOINS "FRESSIN", "NAPPIN", TANTZEN","PATCHEN"; "JUDAICARE" PROGRAM PLANNED TO ENSURE THAT ALL JEWS HAVE SYNAGOGUE MEMBERSHIP; RABBIS CREATE TALMUD AMERICANI; NEW LAWS EXTEND HALACHA TO THANKSGIVING AND JULY 4; JEWISH ORGANIZATIONS WORLDWIDE UNITE TO STOP GLOBAL WARMING; FOCUS ON REDUCING HOT AIR; RABBIS TO REQUIRE SHECHITA FOR MANY FRUITS AND VEGETABLES
Jewish Humor Central Staff
Publisher and Editor-in-Chief:
Al Kustanowitz Food and Wine Editor:
Aviva Weinberg Israel Food and Wine Consultant Penina Kustanowitz Reporter and Photographer:
Meyer Berkowitz Reporter Phyllis Flancbaum
Now You Can Book Program and Lecture Dates for 2024 and 2025 in Person and Via ZOOM
Now is the time to book our Jewish humor programs and lectures for your 2024 and 2025 events in person and via ZOOM anywhere in the world. Book any of our 22 popular programs including "The Great Jewish Comedians", “Israel is a Funny Country”, and "Jewish Traces in Unexpected Places." Click above for details and videos. To book a program with Al, e-mail: dan@hudakonhollywood.com
"Jewish Traces in Unexpected Places" is now available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle editions
This book presents 150 anecdotes and associated video clips that reveal the myriad ways that Jewish culture, religion, humor, music, song, and dance have found expression in parts of the world that, at first glance, might not seem supportive of Jewish Life. It includes 50 videos of Hava Nagila being performed from Texas to Thailand, from India to Iran, and from Buenos Aires to British Columbia. Also highlighted are 34 international versions of Hevenu Shalom Aleichem, Adon Olam, Abanibi, and Tumbalalaika. Whether you’re reading the print version and typing in the video URLs or reading the e-book version and clicking on the links, you’ll have access to 150 video clips totaling more than 10 hours of video. Enjoy!
"Israel is a Funny Country" is now available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle editions
This book explores the multifaceted nature of humor in Israel, some of which is intentional and some of which is unintentional. Either way, the quirks of Israeli life contribute to making that life interesting and fulfilling. In the pages of this volume, we take a look at humorous slices of Israeli life, Israeli comedy, satire and parody, funny TV commercials, unusual stories about food, surprising rabbinic bans on daily activities, simchas as they can only be celebrated in Israel, and endearing aspects of Israeli culture. There are more than 120 anecdotes and links to video clips totaling more than six hours of video. We hope that these anecdotes and video clips give you a new and different insight into life in Israel, and encourage you to join in the fun by planning a visit to the land flowing with milk and honey.
Now is the time to book our Jewish Humor Shows and Lectures in person or on ZOOM.
Bring Al's Jewish humor lectures and comedy programs with the funniest videos on the Internet to your community and your synagogue, club, JCC, organization or private event in person or via ZOOM. We're taking reservations now for 2024 and 2025 dates in your community. Click above for details. To book a program with Al, e-mail: dan@hudakonhollywood.com.
Now Open: The Jewish Humor Central Gift Shop
Jewish Humor Central logo merchandise is now available. Click on the image above to see the complete collection -- More than 100 items from tote bags, baseball caps, mugs, aprons, drinkware, T-shirts and sweatshirts, to pajamas and underwear.
The Best of Jewish Humor Central - Now Available in eBook and Paperback at Amazon.com
The Best of Jewish Humor Central - More than 400 video clips, including music and comedy videos for all the Jewish holidays. View them on Your PC, Mac, Kindle Fire, iPad, iPhone, iTouch, Android Tablet and Smartphone. Click on the image above to peek inside and download a free sample. And now, a paperback edition for anyone who prefers a traditional book and doesn't mind typing the URLs instead of clicking on them.
About the Publisher and Editor-in-Chief
A long-term devotee of Jewish humor, Al Kustanowitz has been collecting and sharing it even before there was an internet. In 2009, after a 36-year career at IBM managing new technology projects, he founded Jewish Humor Central (jewishhumorcentral.com. Through the blog he brings a daily dose of fun and positive energy to readers who would otherwise start the day reading news that is often drab, dreary, and depressing (subscribing is free). He has published 12 books on humor based on his more than 4,000 blog postings, each of which includes a video clip and his commentary.
He has presented more than 100 programs in South Florida and the Northeast on topics that include the great comedians and entertainers of the 20th century, funniest moments in film and television, flash mobs around the world, and composers and lyricists of the Great American Songbook.
He earned his bachelor's and master's degrees from the City University of New York and taught computer science courses at the Courant Institute of Mathematical Sciences at New York University. He is a member of the Advisory Board of the International Association of Yiddish Clubs.
You can contact Al via email at akustan@gmail.com.
Daily Reyd
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Now available on Amazon BOOK LAUNCH SCHEDULED FOR SUNDAY, DECEMBER 8, 6PM
AT MIZRAHI BOOKSTORE, 3108 QUENTIN RD., BROOKLYN, NY • RM Taragin – When
Prophecy...
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[image: Dry Bones cartoon, Trump, MAGA, President, Jerusalem, Embassy,
America, Huckabee,]
Welcome Ambassador Huckabee!
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Thoughts on the Haggadah by Rabbi Eli Teitelbaum
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[image: Story 375601404]
We just recently were able to find the latest version of my fathers, Rabbi
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Hamantaschen: The Symbolism behind Purim Cookies
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Taking the Shuk to the Next Level
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Anyone who has spent any time on my blog, or just getting to know me, knows
how much I love Jerusalem’s famous outdoor market, Shuk Machane Yehuda.
I’ve ...
Kettlebell Training Massachusetts
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In April 2006, legislation was passed requiring all residents in
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A chat with some protesters…
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Originally posted on don of all trades:
Hi protesters, it’s me, Don. Do you remember me? No? I’m a police officer.
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Trayf of the Week: Bacon Jam
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Just when you thought it was safe to eat your bagels in mixed company,
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